How Getting Sick Was The Best Thing That Happened To Me…

How getting sick (and having weird symptoms) was the BEST thing that happened to me.

Letting go of other people’s expectations…

I used to let this paralyze me, because I was the good girl who wanted to make everyone happy and make sure no one’s feelings were hurt. I valued what other people thought of me, and what I should be doing, more than mine own desires. In fact, I shut myself down for so long I lived on auto-pilot for years.

I was so disconnected from my true self.

I started getting what I thought were “random” symptoms in my 20’s. I now know that we store all our emotions in our bodies and that our bodies never lie. By the time they show up in our bodies as disease/pain it is to get our attention so we stop ignoring them!

Do you have weird or chronic symptoms that you have just been tolerating thinking this is how it is? What is your body really trying to communicate to you?

Here are some of the weird symptoms:

-I had chronic mono symptoms (that wasn’t mono as I was tested multiple times)- huge swollen lymph nodes in my neck, very sore throat, fever, headache, really bad pain all over my body and deep exhaustion. It would knock me down for a week when “it” happened.

I went to multiple doctors and no one could tell me what was “wrong” with me. I finally got a diagnosis of epstein barr virus, so I walked around for years believing this so I had an answer to grip onto. Me believing I had epstein barr virus created me having symptoms. If I pushed myself to hard or didn’t get the perfect amount of sleep I was doomed.

This is not living, this is surviving. Fuck surviving.

I was bloated and not well, even though I was in the fitness industry, had a degree in Exercise Science and  had all the knowledge on how to be healthy & fit. My gut was a disaster and my skin and hair were brittle and unhealthy. I felt like a ghost of the old me.

This is not living, this is surviving. Fuck surviving.

I was gaining weight, and again “doing all the right things” to be fit & healthy. I felt like I had lost control of my body and having doctors checking for what is wrong with me, I felt like something was wrong with me.

This is not living, this is surviving. Fuck surviving.

I was having abnormal pap smears and seeing my gyno every six months…again, to try and figure out what was wrong with me. Finally after 2 years of this my doctor looked at me and said, “I don’t know what to do with you or what is wrong with you!” Um, I was terrified.

So, I went to a new doctor who immediately told me I had cancerous cells on my cervix and scheduled me for a visit in the Oncology unit at Mass General. Holy shit, what was happening to my body and why? I ended up getting 2 leep procedures (they cut off unhealthy cells off your cervix) that year.

This is not living, this is surviving. Fuck surviving.

I now know that all of my PHYSICAL SICKNESS I CREATED BY MYSELF. Because I was shutting myself down, I was soooo disconnected from my femininity, I didn’t FULLY love myself, deep down I didn’t think I  was worthy of being seen or heard, I was not emotionally fit (I was my own worse enemy) and I was living in fear energy.

I ignored my intuition and stayed in unhealthy relationships & job situations and said yes to things/people I didn’t really want to.

After years of this, all of these stored negative emotions and energy were screaming for my attention. I did the best I could at the time and went to doctors to “fix me,” it didn’t even occur to me that I could be playing a major role in my illness… That the way I was operating in life was literally making me sick.

  • Getting a sore throat a lot, having swollen lymph nodes was because I was not sharing my voice, my value, my gifts. I was stuck in the story I was the shy girl, “the silent observer” who let other people speak up and be the center of attention. Deep down I didn’t think I was worthy of being heard even though I knew I had many gifts to share.
  • Having abnormal pap smears and “weird” symptoms was due to me experiencing early sexual trauma, not sharing it because I didn’t even understand it, storing that energy in me (literally), which led to me not valuing my body for years. Again, I thought something was wrong with “her: and needed to be fixed. I was carrying so much shame energy, which is the lowest level energy there is.
  • Weight issues, bloating, skin & hair issues, actually all of my symptoms were caused by my deep lack of self-worth and self-love AND my complete oblivion to my lack of this. All of this was going on while I was acting as if everything was great and checking off all the “right” boxes of the life/career steps I “should” be doing…sure looked good on paper!

I share all of this because I want you to know you are not alone, you can kick your “symptoms” to the curb.

Imagine how massively you can change your life by greatly increasing your self-worth?

I have done it and have helped many clients do the same.

***I will be hosting a webinar next week to talk about UPGRADING YOUR MINDSET TO UPGRADE YOUR LIFE, so be on the look out for that!!

Big Love,

Erin Holt

Ready to Shift into Big Change?

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